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So today i went to the Dr.B clinic to get my Wed needle and weigh i thought for sure i was going to be up a pound or 2 cause lastnight after my boyfriends hockey game we ate pizza mind you it was a veggie pizza, i still ate it plus i had 2 ice creams on the tuesday, but luckly i was actually down 2 more lbs from monday. I swear i’m not cheating anymore. She said i’m not burning like im suppose to be, i should be losing more weight even tho i was happy with the 2lbs thats a total of 5lbs in a 6 days i cant wait to get to my goal. I just hope i can stick to it..,since i’ve gained all this weight a year ago i keep saying ill lose it and ill diet but i give up as you see i wasnt on here for 4months i wasnt dieting thats for sure..keep your fingers crossed hopefully i can lose another 2lbsw for friday oh yeah i almost forgot i have to kick the diet pop in place for water yuck i hate water

so again i havent been on here in so long i keep telling myself ill come check everyday than i get doing stuff and forget. Any who i’m not on the dr.berstein diet i have done it before and it works great, they want me to lose 20lbs and months is what the gaurntee or your money back, so starting today i will be on here every monday, wed and friday to log my weight they are the days i get weighed in..the only down fall is i moved to Calgary and i’m so bored so i find myself eatting so much junk food like today i went to the store and bought skinny cow ice cream :S when im not suppose to have any at all. i convinced my roommate who is a huge health nut that its considered dairy and only 90 calories so i’m allowed eatting it. any ways wish me luck hopefully i can over come this long journey. ill blog every monday, wed and friday..goodluck to you all.

I have been sooooooooo busy lately i havent found anytime to even breath. but i have lost 22lbs which im so happy about i have another 68 to go i was thinking maybe buying this marc jacobs dress i seen in a size 6 and making it my goal to fit in it that way it motivates me even more to lose the weight i wouldnt want to be out the 430 bucks for the dress. I also have been working so much i havent had time to get to the gym i hate summer hours! but i have decided i will wake up at 5am if i have too so i can make it there. Hopefully next time i have time to get on this computer ill be 20lbs lighter lol

So today i worked out really hard..now my whole body is killing me..but i havent been eatting right the last few days cause i have been bored..since i can’t go out cause i’m trying to get on a new sleeping pattern..b4 i was up all night and sleep during the day now i sleep at night and up in the day like a normal person lol  also i contacted a personal trainer cause i had 1 but ended up just not working out he would never show up. but the new trainer msged me and said “Welcome back in the area.
Before we start talking about training you, lets first of all do you health assessment and find out where you are in terms of health and then see what we can do to help you.
Call and make you’re apoitment so we can start you on you way to peak health and vitality. ” so im not sure if hes saying if im to fat he cant help me or if hes just saying that he will see what kinda workout suits me best. Also today is may 1st and i’m not letting anything stop me from this long weight loss journey i have ahead..I cant wait till this is all over with so i can start posting pictures of me losing weight and not pictures of me b4..any ways im rambling…any ways time for me to go to bed gotta be up at 6am! and keep up the good work everyone

So today i went to work at the job i was so nervous about and its like nothing ever changed! and i even pointed out my weight gain b4 they could even say anything or give me that look..and they all kept telling me i look good or we cant notice and i;d just laugh and say how could you miss an 80lb+ weight gain..either way they made me feel really good about myself..and its days like this that make me so happy and looking forward to going to the gym! also this guy i work with who is jacked said he would get a YMCA membership with me to motivate me and show me some stuff and it will be saving me money on the trainer also a few girls on here give me the best boost ever! and days like today when im in a super good mood it keeps me going thanks again ladies

First let me start off by saying thank you to everyone who gives me support on this website.. you guys keep me going!! So secondly I start a job tomorrow at this place i use to work at..and i’m embarassed to go back cause i’ve went up 8 sizes and the people i work with are about 90% guys who are super judgemental and open minded so i’m kinda worried about them pointing out the obvious in front of the new employees i dont know :S i guess i should careless but i hate when people see me now i’m embarassed and ashamed of what i let myself get to..i’m that girl who swore i wouldnt let myself hit a certain weight  and as i hit that weight i just increased the new weight i wouldnt ever want to get to and when i got there..i hit depression and thats where i stand now i think..Things like today when my friend called and asked me to go to the movies and i said no i dont wanna because i dont want to be seen in public..he than responded with “call me when you get over your weight issues than” I cant keep hiding myself in the house anymore but its a vicious cycle!! I’m depressed cause i’m fat but i eat because im depressed about being fat. i cant win! I keep thinking i’m doomed that god is punishing me for eatting myself to this weight and saying your going to be fat forever.. i can’t picture myself skinny ever again. Its eatting me up inside..Ive said it b4 i have to take this seriously. I think the only way for me to do it is to keep myself occupied and not let myself think about dieting 24/7 like i do now.. ughh i dunno.

As i write this blog it brings tears to my eyes..like i said before im at a friends for a week and have made so many bad choices food wise..and now me and my bf and another couple went to the bar and took some pictures which i will post and i couldnt believe how big i looked and AM i cant help it but cry im sitting in my friends bedroom crying cause i cant believe how i have let myself go. This is a serious time for change i think i could have used it before i gained this 90lbs+ . im so disappointed in myself for putting my body through this disgusted i even left the house looking like this..ugh so much going through my head i feel like i dont wanna ever leave the house anymore..i need to work twice as hard now.. i dont wanna feel or look like this anymore.

So i have been at my friends house for the last few days and found myself eating a whole bunch of stuff i probably shouldn’t  have mind you i haven’t been going over board but i still snuck things such as cookies, covered peanuts, ice teas, butters ya know the bad stuff..so clearly my weight wont budge since ive been making bad choices.. its just they live in a frat house and all the have is junk food and ill be here for a few more days till shes done school so im kinda nervous for the other food to come..but on a good note when i do eat out with them i have grilled chicken salad from mcdonalds no dressing, and chicken snack wraps minus half the wrap lol(i dont like to much pita bread). any ways im hoping i can stop this vicious cycle of eatting these bad food when out with my friends and giving up on my diet and than saying ill restart and it takes months for me to restart these diets so im hoping i can work through this.

Ok so its 338am lol and im just getting in from a night out with the girls mind you i did not drink a single sip of alcohal i drank diet coke all night no1 could tell the difference unless they were to take a sip from my drink..but its hard not drinking and being 21 and a social lite if you must..also none of my friends know im on this website not that im embarassed by it just i dont think they would understand and i think they may get offended to find out i cant go to them for support..i just dont think any of them would know the first thing about weight loss seeing they are all tiny little sticks…so i never get to come on this when my friends are around and i must say this one girl has been at my house for a few days now so i have to wait till late hours of night till she falls asleep so i can read msgs and write my blogs/calorie intake..which i think is effecting my weightloss because i have to stay up later than her which causes me to eat veggies and do the late night fridge digging  while shes a sleep…again im not trying to hide that im on this site..its the fact that i wouldnt want any of my friends and family to know my weight..growing up with 2 models for sisters and 2 other sisters who are just plain stuck up..they tend to throw that stuff back in ur face when they are mad(mind you when i was tiny they couldnt say much lol plus they are older and we dont fight but ya never know)and with this being the highest weight ive ever been at hearing your fat isnt something i could handle at this point in my life lol also i’ve made myself a deal that every lb i lose ill donate 10.00 to a local chairty i know 10 doesnt seem like a lot but i want to lose 100lbs so it ends up to be about a grand…and i also told myself when i get back to my old frame i would try out for a pagent or something like my sisters did but the only downside is that when i was really tiny b4 my body looked fake i was a size 2 with double D boobs (natural boobs not fake) so it kinda worked against me sometimes..any ways im rambling so much weightstuff and goals on my mind…

Sooooooooooo i dated this guy for about 4 years before my weight gain and we broke up when he went to play in the NHL..and a few weeks ago he decides he wants to talk to me again after 2 yrs (we had a hard break up) regaurdless we have been getting along so well again..but since he hasnt seen me in 2 years he doesn’t know i’m not the same size 2-4 girl he dated b4..and im scared to tell him.. i’ve brought it up kinda and he said it wouldnt matter if i gained weight that he loves me regaurdless but i don’t feel like i would be good enough for him..so this summer after the season is done hes going away to italy and those places and he wants to see me in september again..so in a way i wanna work extra hard to show him how good i look and what hes been missing..but over all im doing the weightloss for me and not him and shouldnt feel rushed to lose 85lbs in a 5 months ..than i get down cause i look on his facebook at the girls he’s been hangingout with and they are tiny knockouts..so im not sure if im crazy for wanting to lose the weight to let him think nothing has changed..or if i should tell him i weigh more than him now lol and above all this i have been workingout and i think i may have tore a muscle in my thigh lol it hurts so bad i couldnt walk for 2 days OUCHHH and im thinking of getting a new trainer to push me a bit harder the one i have now i dont feel is working me enough and kinda lets me slack..I guess ill keep you guys updated and tell you if i did get out with the old and in with the new lol..Also i’d like to thank everyone that has been msging me and supporting me and giving me tips about this website it makes me so excited and much more dedicated to lose weight and i actually enjoy being on here lol usually id be like pfffttt and sign up and never come back this time i think its different i think with all of your help we can all reach our goals..anyways thanks again everyone for the msgs and the comments..gotta sleep i’ll keep you guys updated on the ex bf situation as well